Artist in Residence: Bob Eckstein A highlight of the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop, Eckstein captured the essence of Erma in real time with his incredible illustrations.   I’m ashamed to admit that I wasn’t familiar with Erma Bombeck, or her columns and books, until a few years ago when my friend and former student, Mary Kay Fleming, told me to apply to teach at the Erma Bombeck Writers Workshop in Dayton, Ohio. I pitched a session idea. The workshop organizers paired me with Opinion Writer and Editor Extraordinaire, Bonnie-Jean Feldkamp (her TEDx Talk is a must-listen), and so began my 4-day [...]

Unsplash: Jon Tyson If you’ve been reading my newsletter for a while, you know I’ve been an avid reader of The New York Times “Modern Love” column since its debut in 2004. I frequently share Modern Love essays in my classes and in 2020, I interviewed five authors about how-to-crack the column. Writer and editor, Melanie Bishop, was one of the authors I featured in that roundup. Her piece, “I Would Have Driven Her Anywhere” has stayed with me. Since hearts are essentially everywhere this time of year, I thought I’d revisit Melanie’s piece in this newsletter and get a behind-the-scenes [...]

It isn’t often that you get to meet a writer whose work you have read, admired—and yes, quoted—for more than a decade. For me, that writer is Dani Shapiro. When her book, Still Writing, came out in 2013, I consumed it in one sitting. Her candor, her confessions, her sense that writing is hard, but also worthwhile, spoke to me. And it still does. If you’ve taken my classes, you’ve heard me quote Dani in Still Writing. Dani writes memoirs, novels, essays, Op-Eds. She wrote her latest novel, Signal Fires, over the course of 15 years, setting aside what ultimately [...]

Ever since I "met" Nikki Campo, and scored a spot on her annual holiday letter mailing list, I have anxiously awaited its arrival every December. The reason: Even if I have a bout of the holiday blues, her letter puts me in stitches. Every. Single. Year. And every single year, I promise myself I'll follow in her footsteps with a letter of my own. Sadly, I still haven't made good on that promise, in large part because I don't possess her knack for humor writing. I do think every one of us can learn from Nikki's process though, so I [...]

  For more than a decade, I have been toying with the idea of writing a book around my supernatural connection to my husband’s late wife. I just couldn’t figure out which genre made sense. A novel? A memoir? A science fiction thriller? None of these approaches seemed quite right. So I set it aside… For years. Then, a few months ago, I learned about speculative memoir—and I was hooked. It seems like the ideal way into a story that was once mind numbing. OK, I’ll be honest. It’s still mind numbing, but in a way that feels doable, even [...]

If you’ve been a subscriber to this newsletter for a while, you may recall that I launched a Tiny Love Story (TLS) challenge in 2021 using Facebook Groups—and at least five of our 20 participants placed their stories (not bad odds!). Let me pause here to explain what a TLS is. These charming New York Times'shorts open with a compelling hook, show the evolution of a love story, and end with a sort of “lightning bolt” that stays with the reader—all in 100 words or less. They also come packaged with an image that depicts the essence of the author’s [...]

If you write personal essays, you’ve probably wrestled with whether the territory you’re covering is too personal, or equally confounding, whether it will upset friends, family, or even strangers on the Internet. Admittedly, I worry about how people will react to my stories, well, constantly—and for good reason. An acquaintance blasted me for writing about my sex life after birthing twins. I received hate mail when I decided to publish a story about moving my kids to private school during the pandemic. And the comments section of The Washington Post blew up when I admitted to allowing my boys to lob insults at each other. Yet, I know [...]

  Judy Blume’s timeless classic, Are You There God? It’s Me Margaret, hit theaters at the end of April. I had the pleasure of interviewing Kelly Fremon Craig, the screenwriter/director of the film for LitHub. Kelly is a master of the craft and Blume isn’t the only author taking notice. She has connected with writing masterminds, such as Dani Shapiro and Adrienne Brodeur, who she visited on Cape Cod to discuss an adaptation of Wild Game(Kelly wasn’t able to take on the project because she was wrapped up in Margaret). As a writer, I wanted to go beyond the glitz [...]

Sometimes publication day is rough. Sometimes it makes you want to hide in a closet. And sometimes, the commenters swallow you whole and spit you out. That’s what happened to me last week when my Washington Post storyabout my sons’ potty mouths dropped. As many of you know, I write to figure myself out. I don’t have all of the answers. If I did, I wouldn’t be doing this gig. I use the craft to better understand my life and to make sense of conflicting information and headlines. This story was no exception. From the time my boys hit double [...]

I intended to get this newsletter out before Valentine’s Day, hence the title. But alas, I was wrapped up in the love of sourdough (thanks to you, Nikki Campo!) and lost all track of time, work, and myriad life pursuits. Better late than never, right? I suppose it’s no surprise that a writer who loves crafting essays is a fan of memoirs. While I enjoy books from all sorts of genres, more often than not, I turn to memoirs when I’m reading for fun. A bonus: Reading memoirs can also make you a better essayist. Expert memoirists know how to [...]

So much of our lives, and our writing, focuses on fear, grief, and loss. The essay examples I most frequently share center around pain of some sort, and most of my students show up to class intending to write about past trauma. And for good reason. Growth often happens on the heels of devastation, and most readers don’t want to hear from writers who have all their shit together. Recently, I listened to an episode of Glennon Doyle’s “We Can Do Hard Things” with Cheryl Strayed, and found myself vigorously nodding my head at this truism from Strayed:  The women [...]

Trigger Warning: This Q&A contains content about cancer in children. The first time I read a piece by Amy McHugh, her writing hit me like a truck. She was willing to go deep into a topic that no one wants to discuss: kids and cancer. Every parent’s worst nightmare. “The real story of what it’s like to live on the 6th floor of Boston Children’s Hospital with a daughter who has stage 4 neuroblastoma, isn’t going to run in a mainstream publication,” Amy says. “So, my goal has been to connect with others who’ve been through trauma and who are [...]

Essay is a popular genre. Unfortunately, the number of essayists lobbying for space on the page far exceeds the available slots. For example, The New York Times’ Modern Love column sees thousands of submissions each year—of which only 52 run.   Despite this sobering stat, not all publications that run personal essays are that competitive. Out of every 15 essays I draft, I usually sell about 10. Not a bad ratio.   While I’d like to believe each of those 10 is a masterpiece, the truth is, I’ve learned to avoid the common essay pitfalls. Plus, when I know an [...]

My husband frequently says, "my favorite thing about Amy is she never gives up and my least favorite thing about Amy is she never gives up." The truth is, without that dogged perseverance I wouldn’t be writing this newsletter. Nearly two decades after my 7th grade English teacher said, “you’ll never be a writer,” I launched my freelance writing career. What my teacher didn’t realize is that persistence may be even more important than writing prowess when it comes to getting published. It turns out my inability to call it quits, or heed someone else’s ideas about my limitations, has [...]

Writing can be intimidating. After all, you’re staring at a blank page attempting to fill it with something profound, something that will move your reader, something that will drop them into a transformative experience right alongside you. That’s a lot of pressure! How do you overcome the terror? Write a letter. In fact, two of my favorite prompts when I’m searching for essay topics are: write a letter of gratitude to a person who “saved you” and write a letter to someone who wronged you (or someone you love). I’ve written several essays using letters as a springboard, including a [...]

If you’ve taken my classes, you know that I’m a big fan of approaching essays on a physical page first, not in the computer. There’s plenty of research about the power of the pen. Studies show that the physical movements required for writing tap into areas of the brain that you can’t access with word processing. In fact, I encourage students to write longhand in a journal for a few days in a row on the same topic to unearth as many thoughts, memories, emotions, and specific details as possible. Yet, over the past few months I have gone 180 [...]

Since the start of 2022, I've had a sort of awakening about dreaming. Let's just say, I'm firmly planted in the idea that we can use our dreams to inform, enhance, and even shape our lives. A bonus: We can use them with our writing, too. It's no secret that daydreaming and visualization are powerful tools. Sports psychologists encourage athletes to win the game in their minds before they hit the field. Health experts advise patients to imagine a positive outcome when they're preparing for surgery. Even nutrition experts tell dieters to mentally walk the buffet line before they do it [...]

From the time I was a little girl, writing was my go-to form of therapy — cheap, easy, and always accessible. I write when I'm happy, when I'm sad, and when I'm angry and seeing red. The goal is always to record my thoughts, feelings, and experiences, to make them come alive on the page, so I can relive them again and hopefully make sense of them. During a seven-plus hour road trip this past Thanksgiving weekend, my sister, Shannon, glanced over and saw me writing in my journal. "What do you write in there?" she asked. I was genuinely [...]

I'll be honest. I wrestled with whether I should even send a newsletter this month. Like anyone who has lived 40-something years, I've navigated at least a few Turkey Days where it's difficult to cultivate gratitude. In 1998, Thanksgiving fell two days after my adrenalectomy. My dad and sister sat beside me in the hospital room eating the makeshift Thanksgiving feast my dad whipped up in my Holly-Hobby sized apartment while I tried to swallow neon green Jell-O. In 2005, I was heartbroken after calling off an engagement. And in 2011, I was sentenced to a hospital bed with a high-risk pregnancy waiting [...]

When I read Kelly Corrigan's New York Times' Guest Essay — How to Let Go of Your Irreplaceable, Unstoppable Daughter — I felt her internal struggle. I don't have a child heading to college (my twins will be 10 next month), but if I swapped out her daughter, a human being, for one of my essays, well, the same principle applies. "I made you, but you don't belong to me." My work as a writer isn't my own. It doesn't belong to the editor either. Instead, stories take on a life of their own. Like a great wine, they develop and [...]

Greetings all! I took a newsletter hiatus over the summer (sorry!). We went on an epic road trip in June, celebrated the 4th of July in our backyard with smores, and spent the better part of August trying to understand Minecraft. But I'm back! Last week, I hosted a Mastermind session for the American Society of Journalists and Authors (ASJA) about personal and reported essays. In almost every class, I get the question: "What is a reported essay?" And it's a great question, particularly since publications like The New York Times, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic are increasingly shying [...]

I've been an avid reader of The New York Times Modern Love column since shortly after it debuted in 2004. Yet despite putting together a how-to-crack Modern Love treatise — and studying nearly every podcast, writers event and live New York Times event featuring Modern Love Editor Dan Jones — I still haven’t a clue what he and co-editor Miya Lee are after. What I do know: Modern Love often features stories about parents — those who are lost (this one is a personal favorite), absent, or who have never been found. And it makes sense. Parental love is the [...]

Over the past few months, I pitched an editor at What's Up Moms? a few ideas. While I didn't make a sale from those efforts, she circled back to me recently asking for ideas. I sent her two fleshed out reported essay ideas with detailed anecdotes, research nuggets and potential sources. Then closed my email with this: A side note: I started writing an open letter to my husband’s birth mom, who essentially abandoned him and his brother when my husband was 3 years old. It turns out, this experience has informed his parenting. I’d like to transform it into [...]

I have long been a Joyce Maynard fan. With nearly 20 books and 50+ years of writing under her belt, she has admirable storytelling chops. Recently, I experienced the joy of meeting Joyce live (by my friend, Melissa Harrison'slaptop). Melissa is embarking on a huge memoir project (I wrote an as-told-to of her story in Marie Claire a decade ago!) and Joyce is one of many memoir masters guiding her on the journey. Melissa's story is a tough one, and sharing it in any capacity gives her pause, mostly because she doesn't want to tarnish her mother's memory or hurt [...]

I've never been the type of writer who focuses only on numbers. Sure, I want to make money writing — and I always tell students never to write for free — but making bank has never been my main motivator. And it certainly isn't a driving factor when you're pitching essays. But who doesn't love money? The reality is, writers who focus exclusively on creative forms — novels, essays and other projects that don't come with an advance payment — may have trouble making ends meet. But for those of us who can transform ourselves into content-producing machines, crafting targeted [...]

Inside of a week, I’ve had two writers tell me they’re afraid of the backlash, blowback, hate mail, and shame they'll receive if they speak their truth. They wonder if maybe their words, their voice, their stories are best kept on their hard drives. They're not afraid to offend the people who are named in their stories. They're not even afraid that airing their dirty laundry might upset their immediate family members. They're afraid of incensing strangers. One of these writers is a current student. As a teacher, I encourage my students to be as honest and transparent as they [...]

5 Authors Share How They Cracked the Code When you ask a writer "what would be your dream clip," landing a Modern Love column is a common response. The publication receives somewhere around 8,000 submissions each year, according to the column's editor, Dan Jones. Yet, they have precious few slots to fill. Jones, widely acclaimed as a super nice guy, has said the odds of landing a Modern Love column is about on par with winning the lottery. So how do you snag one of those coveted slots? I may not be the best person to ask. I've taken a [...]

As parent, teacher and writer, the last several months has been a trip! In addition to my online essay writing classes, I teach "The Fundamentals of Healthy Living" at a local college. I've had the added fun of learning how to navigate the online teaching platform, Canvas. Oh, and homeschool three kids who desperately miss face-to-face instruction and interaction with their friends. One of my kiddos falls to the floor in tears on a daily basis. Let's just say, I'm not exactly living healthfully. These are crazy-making times for all of us! So, in the midst of the madness, I [...]

Recently, the American Society of Journalists asked me to run a "Snack Chat" about essay writing as part of their annual (now virtual) conference. Since many of the attendees have heard me riff about essays before, I decided to go off script this time and dissect a former student's essay. Her name: Nikki Campo. Of course, now Nikki has become a good friend and she is a trooper for letting me shine a light on her work in this format. The reason for the share: Nikki's essay is an excellent example of great character development. We get a real sense [...]

You might have heard the platitude "those who can't do, teach." Obviously, I don't agree with that theory. I'm a teacher. Plus, I have several friends and acquaintances who defy that logic. And yet, I also recognize that teaching makes doing a lot more challenging. A former student, who is also a writer and professor, likens teaching to a "joyful bloodletting" whereby you insert an IV into your vein and suck all of the creativity out of your bloodstream. While it isn't quite that intense for me, I'm also not teaching full time (though it feels like full time!). What [...]

Writing a memoir or personal essay is complicated, especially when that writing shines a light on our poor choices. We've all made mistakes. But not all of us choose to open ourselves up (and risk potential backlash) by publishing a confessional essay. Since every human being learns to better themselves by making missteps, writing about those experiences can provide a platform for growth and understanding. It's an opportunity to share the idea that "when we know better, we do better" (thank you, Maya Angelou!). The key, of course, is "knowing better." Recently, a student penned a piece in my class [...]

Like many families, my testosterone-heavy crew has turned to nostalgic forms of entertainment during the COVID-19 pandemic. We're riding bikes, playing chess, creating "flip art," and yes, puzzling over puzzles. I love puzzles! I like the trial and error of fitting pieces together. I like the quest of searching for the correct piece and the sheer exuberance I feel when I locate it. I like that it's quiet! With three boys under age 9, quiet is an important ingredient for my happiness. So, I purchased a 1,000-piece Thomas Kincade masterpiece — a Justice League puzzle featuring the Batman, Aquaman, Superman and [...]

What a rough start to the year, eh?! With clueless leaders becoming more adept at fabricating truth (widespread COVID19 testing, anyone?), I figured I should turn off the news and focus on where I fall short in my writing. Right now, it appears to be my memory. The older I get, the more I realize how fallible memory is. At the start of the year, I began rethinking Pennebaker's prescription for writing through trauma. I embarked on a reported essay where I made a case for writing from a positive place —  homing in on the sweet stuff after the [...]

In grief, trauma, and loss, remember to home in on the good stuff. If you've taken my classes or followed my blog posts about essay writing, you've probably heard me talk about James Pennebaker. His writing exercises make an appearance in almost every course I teach — for good reason. Many of my students discover they can access subconscious memories by saturating their mind with painful and traumatic memories for days at a time. The Pennebaker Prescription: Write about a trauma, heartache, loss, or whatever issue, gripe or grief that is preventing you from moving forward in your life. But don't [...]

  Ever since my children were little, I have had an aversion to the whole Santa tradition. It's not that I want to rob my children of the magic that is Santa. I just have a hard time lying to them. Several years ago, one of my students wrote a humor piece about the horror that transpired in his house when his 11-year-old daughter discovered Santa wasn't real. He wrote about how crushed his daughter was when she found out, and also his shock that she still believed in Santa Claus. Then this year, I read through multiple threads in various Facebook [...]

  Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday. There's no pressure to buy the perfect gift. No kids wondering if they'll get the most coveted item on their Christmas list (probably not!). Instead, the focus of the holiday is connecting with our loved ones and reflecting on our blessings. This year, as with every other, I'm grateful for my writers' group — a group of standout individuals, all former students, who have helped me hone my craft and take my work to the next level. These five women have played a starring role in my career achievements. I'm certain I [...]

I never thought much about writing what scares me most. Why would anyone do that to themselves? What happens when you ponder all the ways your life might fall apart? Or when you share something so dark and icky it makes your skin crawl even as you’re crafting it? Then I read Writing is My Drink by Theo Pauline Nestor. This book is loaded with tips and prompts. In the exercises for Chapter 1, she challenges you to make a list of the topics that would scare you the most to write about. "You don’t have to write about these now, or [...]

Look to these 5 Essays For Guidance If writing personal essays came with a step-by-step guide — and sadly, they don’t — the first step would be to read really good essays. Analyze what works and what doesn’t and determine why the author was able to catch an editor’s attention. Why does the piece speak to you? Why did you read all the way to the end? How did you walk away from the essay a little bit different than you did before you came into it? Then dissect every paragraph, every sentence, every word and apply what you’ve learned to [...]

  Full disclosure: I didn’t know what this month’s newsletter would be about. I was toying with a few different ideas, but nothing that stuck – nothing that would help any of you learn how to better approach an essay. Then my niece, Cassidy, sent me some pictures. She’s in Boston. And it all clicked. If you’ve taken my class, you’ve probably heard me ask you to “set the stage” – show us where you are in the story. The best stories unfold when the reader feels like he/she is in the scene with you, experiencing what’s happening as you [...]

Privacy is one of the most pressing and paralyzing issues writers face with personal essays. We confront it with every single story we craft. Am I oversharing? Do I really want everyone to know these details about me? Am I prepared to grant them complete access to my internal psyche? For those of us who write about our children, parents, spouses and siblings (um, I think that’s all of us), we also have to consider whether we’re violating their privacy with the words we choose to put on the page. I’ve shared my personal rubric for making these decisions in a previous [...]

Caption: My niece, Cassidy (a.k.a., the star!) with my son, Brian. Caption: My niece, Cassidy (a.k.a., the star!) with my son, Brian. Believe in You I saw “A Star is Born” this past weekend and I’m still processing. The performances were incredible. What drew me into the story though was the premise. The idea that this amazing artist didn’t believe in herself. She didn’t think her voice was anything special until someone who also had incredible talent said, YOU are amazing. I was so moved by the movie – so touched by the way Jackson Maine inspired Ally [...]

LEARN ABOUT MY SUMMER ALUMNI COURSE It's About Character If you’ve taken one of my classes, you know I view character development as a critical component of crafting a powerful essay. If the reader doesn't care about the "who" in your story, he's certainly not going to care what happens to her. But how much do we really know about ourselves, nevermind the people who are closest to us? How adept are we at detailing what means the most to ourselves and to them? Since my dad died in May 2018, I have written a lot about death and dying. [...]

If you’ve taken my class, you know Judi Ketteler. I’m a huge fan of her essays and I often cite them as examples in my classes. I also highly recommend subscribing to her Story Economy Blog for a treasure trove of information related to crafting compelling stories. This month, I wanted to hit her up for advice about being honest on the page. After all, she knows all about honesty. Not only has she been sharing her truth in essays for more than a decade, but she also just finished writing an entire book on the topic of honesty.  So without further [...]

Four years ago, I spent almost the entire month of April in the hospital. My youngest son, Jack, was diagnosed with something called a double aortic arch. I had no idea what that meant at the time. The doctor gave me a scientifically solid, drawn out speech. He even included drawings. I still have his scribbles on a page in my journal — it was the only paper that was easily accessible to us in the private conference room where he debriefed me. Still, the only words I understood were: “Your son needs immediate heart surgery.” When I received this news, [...]

When I tell people I’m a writer, I often get some variation of, “you’re so lucky,” “what a great gig,” “you must be really talented to make it as a writer.” The truth: I don’t think luck has much to do with it – or even talent. It’s hard work. Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve had a certain stick-to-itiveness. I’ve finished books I hated, sat through movies that bored me and even stayed in relationships that clearly needed ending. If you ask my husband what he loves most about me, he’ll say, “She never gives up.” If [...]

Last July, I read Elizabeth Gilbert’s Big Magic. Within the first few pages, she describes a creative life and references her friend, Susan, who went back to ice skating at age 40. Like me, Susan was a competitive figure skater when she was a teenager. My heart tightened. I promised myself at the start of 2018 that I would get back on the ice. I quit skating when I was 12 or 13, when cheerleading became more appealing than thrice weekly 5 a.m. ice times. Over the next 30 years, I’d been skating twice – once at an outdoor rink in [...]

  Unless you’ve been avoiding the Internet – or you’re not interested in writing essays – you have probably seen the torrent of controversy sparked by Christine Tate’s latest essay in The Washington Post. In the piece, Tate says she won’t stop writing about her daughter, despite the fourth graders pleas. And readers of her piece have been putting her through the wringer: “What a narcissist!” “Not only are you exploiting her life for your work, you're also putting a child in a dangerous, highly visible position on the Internet.” “No consent? Dear god. You are a horrible excuse for a mother.” I’m not [...]

Those of you who have worked with me in any capacity know I’m a big fan of journal writing. I can’t imagine writing an essay without being able to draw on the material from my journals. When topics are really heavy – my dad’s death, my son’s near death, or my own medical missteps – I transcribe relevant journal entries into a word document then try to somehow carve out a cohesive narrative. So, for me, sometimes essay writing means piecing together entries from my journal. Like putting together a puzzle, I dump out all of the pieces and then [...]

Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday – even when I was a little girl. It isn’t the Black Friday shopping, football watching or the pie. I avoid all three. It’s the opportunity to reflect on my blessings.With Thanksgiving, there’s no pressure to find or get the perfect gift. No disappointment when what you most covet – a 4-carat diamond ring, the latest MacBook PRO, or a gigantic book deal – doesn’t magically appear on Christmas morning. Instead, the only goal is to cultivate gratitude. And it's within that space where real magic happens. I’ve had some great Thanksgivings, including [...]

Last February, after some heavy arm-twisting from a lifelong friend, I registered for Brave Magic, Elizbeth Gilbert and Cheryl Strayed’s weekend retreat at 1440 Multiversity in Northern California.