If you’ve taken one of my classes, you know I view character development as a critical component of crafting a powerful essay. If the reader doesn’t care about the “who” in your story, he’s certainly not going to care what happens to her. But how much do we really know about ourselves, nevermind the people who are closest to us? How adept are we at detailing what means the most to ourselves and to them?

Since my dad died in May 2018, I have written a lot about death and dying. I have become a vocal steward for talking with your loved ones about your end-of-life wishes, preparing advance directives and being honest about what really happens to all of us in the end (we often lose our dignity).

What I’ve discovered through this process though is that the people we think we know best — the characters in our own personal narratives — still have desires, stories, experiences, and secrets we probably know nothing about. It’s not necessarily because they’re actively hiding these things, but rather that the subject just never came up.

Take my dad, for example. After he died, I reached out to relatives, business partners, and friends hoping to glean more information about the man I spent my entire life with. Some responded. Some didn’t. I realized I knew almost nothing about the mother who adored him, a woman who died in her forties from what I heard was an accidental and lethal combination of prescription medication and alcohol.

Sure, I asked my dad questions while he was alive, but while he could talk about almost anything for hours on end, he rarely shared stories about himself or his upbringing. Now, there’s no way to find out. Both of his parents are gone. His brother died of ALS a few years before him. And my mom? Well, I’m in the process of mining her memory for every detail – to interrogate her about her life with my dad before me and my sisters turned their worlds upside down with our needs, demands, and antics.

A Challenge
Character development isn’t an easy undertaking. You have to notice physical attributes while also analyzing and studying people’s psyche – what makes them tick, why they react to situations in a specific way, what scares them most, what are their stories? You can access this information in a variety of ways. The simplest way, of course, is by asking questions.

A few of my essays have, indeed, been solid character studies. When I tried to make sense of a former boyfriend’s bizarre behavior, I delved into his history. And when I met my husband, I learned that asking him about the toys he had been collecting for decades was an entry point for deeper discovery. Each toy in his garage came with a story.

I realize not everyone is a collector (or a Casper), but everyone has passions. Your job is to study the characters in your life and uncover what moves them. Maybe you can access your sister’s stories through pictures. Maybe cooking alongside your grandmother will open the door to historical tales. Or maybe, you’ll have to get dirty and take apart an old jalopy with a brother or uncle to uncover their secrets.

My challenge to you: Make a point to study the characters in your life. Do a character analysis just as you might for a work of fiction or journalism. Force yourself to get comfortable asking seemingly inane or inappropriate questions. Then, write your essay from that space, from that deep knowing of the “who” in your story.

Helpful Tools
When it comes to learning more about the people in your world, a variety of tools can be helpful. With my kids, I use The Big Life Journal. Not only do I get to learn about their wishes and dreams, but they also learn a little bit about me through the sharing. With my family members, I often play a game of 20 questions, where I just randomly fire questions at them. I’m also a fan of thumbing through The Book of Questions with a close friend or family member.

With my closest loved ones, I have vowed to play the game “Go Wish.” True, I haven’t tackled it yet, but I have the deck sitting on my desk!

Want to dig deeper into this topic and others with a group of like-minded writers? My next basic essay writing workshop begins in the fall. I also offer one-on-one coaching and one-off critiques year-round. So, please don’t hesitate to reach out if you need some creative help!

Until next time … happy writing!
a